April 15, 2010

** IF YOU ARE NOT GOOD WITH BLOOD YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS POST!!**

A year ago today I woke up extra early I had to take Hunter to get some blood work done before school. The lab was right near Matt's work so we decided to have breakfast with Matt since the other two kids were at home with my mom. So Hunter and I left the house around 6:45 that morning. Hunter was only 11 at the time and has been asking over and over again about sitting in the front seat. But because there's an airbag I have not let him. That day was no different he asked me if he could sit up front I thought about it and then told him no and he argued with me. But I stuck to my guns and told him once he turned 12 and was a little taller we would talk about it again. We went to the lab got his blood work done and then went and had breakfast with Matt. It was getting closer to the time that Hunter had to be at school so we couldn't hang around too long even though I really think Hunter was hoping to be late to school! :) 

I drove Hunter to school which was only about a mile away from our house - told him I loved him and dropped him off. I was in such a good mood that day the sun was shining it was a beautiful day out Hunter and I had been singing songs on the radio and I was excited because I had on a new pair of jeans that I got for $7.00 and were a size smaller then I had been wearing!! :) And I felt good - I was finally feeling good after dealing with my PV for the last year! I felt like I was finally on the road to recovery. 

There are two ways to get home from Hunter's school one is the back way which takes you down a dirt road and the other is the main road. I had taken my mom's car that morning mainly because it got better gas mileage then my Suburban so I didn't want to get her car dirty so I decided to take the main road instead of going down the dirt road. It was 8:00 in the morning and the main road in front of our subdivision is always really busy at that time because it's the only road that goes clear out to the freeway so there's always a ton of traffic and this day was no different. I got to the stop light where I make my left turn into our subdivision at that time there wasn't a green arrow light for the turn lane. Sitting there to make the left turn if there is a car directly ahead of you in the opposite left turn lane it's VERY hard to see any oncoming traffic so in order to see around the car you have to pull up into the intersection. Several times I had made comments that there was going to be an accident there because of that very reason.  Just my luck sitting across from me was either a big cargo van or a box truck I can't tell you now which it was. Our light was green as I approached and I was the first car in the turn lane and there were several cars behind me. I had pulled up into the intersection to see around that truck but then my light turned yellow and another car went through then the light tuned red. I watched for a few seconds and the cars coming towards me were coming to a stop so I had to get out of the intersection. So I proceeded to go and that's all I remember. I don't have any idea what happened after that except obviously for what I've been told.

It seems that this truck ran the red light coming towards me as I turned - I NEVER even saw the truck and couldn't even tell anyone what happened I had no idea. I never even knew what the truck that hit me looked like until we got the pictures from the police. The truck t-boned me as I was turning at which point we're pretty sure I passed out.

The force of the hit turned my car the opposite way I was going and my car went quite a ways and ran into the stone wall sign in front of our sub division.

You can see from this picture how far my car actually traveled before stopping.

Thankfully the wall stopped me because I'm not sure how far I would have went since I was unconscious at that time.

This is the side of my car - could you imagine if Hunter would have been sitting in that seat - if I had not dropped him off at school and I would have let him sit up front. The door was pushed in TWO FEET and the passenger seat was pushed over at least six inches.

(See the passenger seat)

The next thing I remember is somebody talking to me - I now know it was the gentleman who was in the car right behind me he told me I had been in an accident and asked me if he could call anybody for me. Some how I was able to tell him to call Matt and my mom I don't know how I managed that but I did. The next thing I remember after that was somebody taking off my shoes and socks and asking me if I could feel my feet which I could.

I know that God knew I was going to be in an accident that day because coming up the road just seconds after it happened was an off duty paramedic on his way to court! The man that saved my life. If it wouldn't have been for him getting to me so quickly and putting pressure on my head I would have bled to death. I feel like I owe this man my life and I can't even seem to find out what his name is - the police report doesn't even tell me. The picture below is actually of him - I'm pretty sure I was not awake during any of this because I have no memory of it what so ever. In fact when we got the police report and this picture was in it - I couldn't believe it - it took a VERY long time for me to be able to even look at this picture.

Because of the way the car hit they were unable to get the doors open without the jaws of life and actually my mom, Keegan and Trinit made it to the accident before I was even out of the car. Thankfully someone stopped my mom before she could make it up there because she would have passed out - she doesn't do very good with blood in fact she can't even look at the picture above.  Matt made it up there not too long after as well but I have no idea when! I've been told I was at the accident scene for about 45 minutes however I only have memory of about two minutes.

Because the accident happened on a busy road they were unable to land the life flight helicopter on the road and had to land it in a subdivision across the road that was still under construction but this meant I had to be taken by an ambulance across the road to the helicopter. I had to be flown across town to the only level one trauma center that could handle the extent of my injuries. I don't remember going in the ambulance at all but I do remember waking up in the helicopter to pull out a tooth I had broken and to ask the EMT if I was going to live and that I had to because I have kids!

After that I woke up in the ER with the doctor pouring extremely COLD water on my head and hearing the words give me a razor and then another one and then another one an then the dreaded words of okay give me the staple gun and then staple remover! I had a 10cm cut from the top of my forehead to the back of my head that required 15 staples!! I remember them asking me after that if anything else hurt and I told them my neck was a little sore so I'm assuming they sent me for x-rays or something because soon I heard well that's because it's broken! I was VERY lucky because for some reason a neck brace was never put on my neck at the accident scene so all that time between getting out of the vehicle into an ambulance then into the helicopter all the way to the hospital my fracture didn't get worse and it didn't effect my spinal cord. I was very lucky!! I'm a little upset now because they cut off my new $7.00 jeans that I only got to wear once but I'm working on getting over that! :)

I spent the next 3 days in ICU which I really don't remember that either. Except that I had to lay flat on my back for a really long time in a neck brace that was way too big all with the combination of throwing up!! YUCK! But then after they got my neck stable and was finally able to get up they told me I had to start walking if I wanted to go home so that's what I did as much as they would let me I walked. I wanted to see my kids! Since I was in ICU my kids were not allowed to come up and see me so the last time I had seen Keegan and Triniti was the night before the accident! I had motivation I had three kids at home and I wanted to be at home with them!

After 7 weeks in my collar I was finally healed enough to be out of that and my hair is finally grown back enough I can put it in a ponytail again! The scar on my head and on my arms and hands are still there and a daily reminder of what happened. 

It's hard to believe that's it's been a year since my accident. My life is so much different now the emotional part of being in an accident takes a lot longer to heal then the physical scars. Many of you who have known me for years know that I LOVED to drive - back in high school and college many times my friends and I would just get in the car to go driving (obviously this was before buying gas took up almost your entire pay check) and I was the one that ALWAYS drove. But now life is so much different if I don't have to drive I won't if I can find a way out of driving I will! I hate getting behind the wheel of a car my hands get sweaty, my heart starts racing and I think of all the possible things that could happen while I'm driving. I can probably count on both hands how many times I have drove since the accident.  I can do it if I have to but I would rather not. I had a goal that by the 1 year mark after the accident I was going to be able to get in a car and not be anxious about it - that didn't happen. I'm getting better about it but you won't find me just jumping in the car to go for a drive to clear my head like I once did. It just doesn't happen.

We're still dealing with the accident and I wish it would all just go away so I could put it behind me.  But that doesn't seem to happening anytime soon.  We have around $35,000 worth of medical bills that haven't been paid - and that was after our health insurance paid for the majority of it. Gotta love car insurance companies because they really don't care if our credit is getting ruined because of these unpaid bills and they are taking their time to get it all resolved. My physical healing is almost complete now I just need the emotional healing to take place so I can move on with life it sounds easy to do but for some reason it just hasn't been.

Life is too short to be mad about stupid stuff those things just don't matter anymore. I NEVER leave my kids without telling them I love them even if I'm just going down the street. I try not to fight with Matt as much. I really found out what REALLY matters in life. Life is SHORT and it can be gone at anytime! Love all the time, Laugh often, and Live everyday like it's your last!